The Complete History of Stomple
Word Usage
The first recorded instance of the word stomple is in a parchment dating from around 950 A.D. found in an abandoned monastery in Sweden. It reads, “Einhellf lut de gullen spat stomple het makker trask”. Translated from Old Norse, it says, “Brother Einhellf has had his testicles stompled upon by a walrus.”
The word did not reappear until 1743, when Alfred Herl, writing for the London Morning Post, stated in a news item that “Major Wilfington has not yet returned from Africa. It is feared that he and his party have all perished, perhaps having been stompled by the great beasts of that land.”
Lewis Carroll, the author of Alice in Wonderland, wrote a lesser-known poem titled The Forever Rabbit which was published in his anthology: Poems I Don’t Remember Writing. He also uses the word stomple in a verse in that poem:
Half past one in forest glade
The creatures lounging in the shade
Happily munching cakes and lime
‘Til Badger yelled, “It’s stompling time!”
People Named Stomple Throughout History
In 1375, Freidrick Van Stomple of Furtberg, Denmark, invented ice cream by accident while milking his cow. However, since he lived in the frozen wastes of Denmark, no one ever bought any and he died a poor and miserable man.
In 1896, Elber Stompler of Oklahoma, testing out his new “twister ridin’ chair” was carried off by the tornado and was never seen nor heard from again.
In 2006, a Tauren warrior named STOMPLEHOOF on the Lightning Fist server in World of Warcraft is kicked from his guild for repeatedly rolling on loot he can’t even use and just being an all around jerk.
Stomple, the Website
December 2007, Stomple.com, the most awesome site ever, is launched, with the goal of becoming the internet's greatest collection of lunacy, silliness, useless knowledge and maybe-sometimes-helpful advice. Shasta, founder of Stomple.com, has attempted to find only the most "special" writers to fill these pages with unique and just damn funny original articles.